The First One That Gets Emotional Has Already Lost the Fight

Richard Schertzer
3 min readSep 6, 2022


From elementary to college, I have always been bullied, whether it be verbally or physically. I have been called a multitude of names like Nigger, Fucking Retard, Faggot and Sissy, to name a few.

Talking with my mom and friends about these things, I learned not to lower myself to such petty insults, which in many cases, it seems only fair to not respond or to walk away in a situation.

I was often the subject of ridicule whether it was my last name being “Schertzer”, my size, the way I wore my glasses or how I talked. I am no saint or angel either. I often bullied others for being different and acted aggressively towards other people without thought in a matter.

Looking back on the situations, I realized that I won some confrontations and lost some. However, since I am almost 25 years of age with the innocent whimsy of my youth slowly escaping, I understand how true men need to act in a confrontation: Stoic and unmoved while maintaining frame in your convictions, whatever they may be.

I remember watching Denzel Washington in “American Gangster” and he said that the loudest one in the room is the weakest one. Heeding that lesson and taking it to heart, I figured out that me being a bully was nothing more than a sign of weakness and insecurity that I felt and any and all tormentors that I had most likely had the same weakness ad insecurity lacking the maturity or discipline to speak their mind in a healthy fashion.

I further understood that the person to get overly emotional the most in a confrontation automatically loses whether they are stronger, physically-built, or better at giving tongue-lashings. In the long term, life is not about beating someone up the most, having the last word or having the better insults. It’s about maintaining frame and utilizing yourself to the best potential to contribute to society.

I understand that we are emotional creatures as humans and we cannot help ourselves sometimes. I am getting emotional just writing this article revisiting the trauma from about two decades, but that doesn’t mean that our emotions need to control us. The most masculine thing to do is to control your emotions when faced with pressure.

If you were a bully, are you really proud of all the people that you beat up or how many insults that you hurled at someone to humiliate them? If you are proud of that, you are probably a pathetic person with no goals or ambition. Unless you are a professional kickboxer, or comedian good at roasting, it’s nothing to be proud of.

Mind your words because you never know who’s watching.

To close the article, I want to try and go by the words of the late great Malcolm X when he said, “A man curses because he doesn’t have the words to say what’s on his mind.”



Richard Schertzer

Richard is a Howard University grad student and is working as a content writer and filmmaker with the dream to make films in Hollywood.